What are furries?

            Furries are a subculture that grew out of science fiction and comic book conventions in the 1980s. The Internet played, and continues to play, a role in expanding this subculture. No standard definition exists for furries, but generally, furries are people who have a fascination and love for anthropomorphic animals. Cool, right? Wait, what the heck is anthropomorphic? Well, the term usually refers to animals that possess human personalities and characteristics, which may include, but are not limited to walking, talking, and wearing clothes. Creativity is pertinent to the furry population. The fur scene has its own unique art, animation, comics, and literature. Many of the activities are conducted online through members’ adopted “fursonas,” or the furry personality used in role playing. Some furriness occurs through group gatherings and furry conventions. In fact, one group meets in Fox Valley, Wisconsin, for those interested.

What are typical furry activities?

Furry activities really aren’t any different from any other community. Furries engage in a variety of activities that may include hockey, bowling, dancing, fundraising, crafting…pretty much anything a furry fandom (furry community) wants to participate in or organize. However, certain activities help harness the creativity and allow furrydoms to connect with one another:

Furry Crafting. Members of the furry fandom may create their own plush toys known as plushies, design puppets to utilize in performances, make accessories like ears or tails, or even build elaborate costumes called fursuits. Fursuits allow furdom members to take on their fursonas, or furry attitudes. Fursuits may simply be worn for fun to take on the fursona of the fursuit, or to participate in parades, group meetings and activities, conventions, dances, or even fundraising. Fursuits range from being a full suit similar to sport mascots, to sophisticated mechanical suits. However, due to the expensive price of the costumes, the majority of furries do not own a full fursuit. Many fans do own partial suits, which may consist of ears and a tail, or paws, a head, and a tail.

Fur-ocious Role-playing is an activity that may take place on or offline. Online communities and websites play a key role in expanding the furry fandom. Role-playing allows us to get in touch with our “inner kitten,” and take on a persona that we may not possess as our human self. Many furdoms enjoy engaging in petting, hugging, and grooming at their social events as well. Furries are all about fun and creativity.

With ample interest and growing membership, many fur-some conventions have developed worldwide. These conventions are for fans to get together and buy and sell artwork, participate in various workshops, wear costumes, and socialize. Anthrocon, held in Pittsburgh every June, is the world’s largest furry convention. These conventions and other events allow fans who share a common interest to get together and entertain themselves.

Fur-life. For some, this is a hobby, for others, a lifestyle. Members may feel that they have an important spiritual connection with animal(s), real or fictional. Some furries describe their interest predominantly as a means to socialize with others who share common interests in anthropomorphic art. Others describe themselves as only part human, some as non-human, and some who desire to become the furry species they identify with. Some furries also feel that they are trapped in the wrong body.

“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel…”

Furries, furry fandom, furrdom, furrydom—however we decide to refer to it—is largely misunderstood by people outside the culture. Unfortunately, stereotypes exist that furries are sexual deviants and socialize solely to have sex. While there is erotic art and fantastic furry sex (both online and off) in the fandom, the sexual aspect of furries tends to be exaggerated through media portrayals. The term “yiff” is used to indicate pornography or sexual activity in the fandom. The bottom line is that sexual attraction to furries is a thing! However, it’s not what furries are mainly or even partially about. While some furries state that sexual attraction is important in activities, others are ambivalent, and some say that sex has nothing to do with their furry activities.

Why furries?

Being in a costume allows furries to take on another persona and allows them to do and be things that people may not do otherwise, like dancing in public or hugging people. It’s a creative outlet. If someone happens to be a shy person, their fursona may be the center of attention and allow them to be more confident. This chance to escape daily life is something that those outside the fandom may not get to experience. Many furries keep to themselves because of worry that they will be perceived negatively by world around them. However, at the end of the day, being a furry is primarily about having a great time.

Additional Resources:

http://www.furryfandom.info/

http://www.meetup.com/foxvalleyfurs/

Sex Out Loud brought adult film star James Deen as their keynote speaker for Sexual Health Fest. The event was hugely successful, drawing over 700 people, many of whom packed the hallways just to hear Deen speak.

Aside from his stance on condoms—use them!—and comprehensive sex education—a must—Deen provided the audience with a motto to live by:

“Handjobs are totally cool and always appropriate.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. However, the notion of handjob acceptability seems controversial among our peers. Many say, “Why give a handjob when the person could just do it themselves?” Others attest, “I know myself better than my partner, so it’s more efficient to wack myself off.”  All I have to say is, whaaa?

While each person is entitled to their own opinion, it’s mine that handjobs are a safer, more efficient way of getting someone off who we’re just getting to know. Maybe we haven’t discussed our STI history and status yet but we’ve gotten hot and heavy. Utilize those old h.j. skills and we’re good to go.

How can we make the experience (at least) as fun for our partners as it would be if they were alone? Many ways, of course!

Just the presence of another person, and the feeling of that person’s hand on your dong, can be very exciting. By simply being in a close enough vicinity to touch, we’ve fought half the battle.

Secondly, lube. Lube, lube and more lube. What do our mouths do that our hands do not? Self-lubricate! Vaginas self-lubricate, too, and although anuses do not, we also employ lubrication when we enter that orifice. Doing the same with our hands can make it easier on the giver and receiver, and can allow us to dip further into our bag of tricks.

Once we’re all lubed up, we can get the rhythem going by setting a steady pace. Moving one or two hands up and down the shaft of a penis can create exciting stimulation. To bring it to the next level, try continuing that motion with one hand while cupping or massaging the balls in the other hand. With our partner’s consent, we can reach further back and stroke the perineum (taint, gooche, etc.) or butt hole for additional pleasure.

Other tips include the self-explanatory “mid-shaft-hand-twist,” wherein we twist our hand in clockwise or counterclockwise direction each time we reach the mid-shaft area. Furthermore, caressing the head of the penis, either by drawing the foreskin up or using our hands around the glans, can make such a sensitive spot feel very sweet indeed.

As with any sexual activity, it never hurts to vary speed and amount of pressure to our partner’s content. However, once a person says, “I’m close,” varying style could deter orgasm, so we should avoid changing it up too much unless we want to keep going.

Another trick to employ is edging. Edging is a technique in which we bring our partner to the “edge”—close to orgasm—and then stop before they come. When they are finally brought over the “edge,” the orgasm will be so intense, they might let out a little yelp in pleasure.

Remember, handies can be a great way to see our partner’s O-face without coming into contact with fluids we’re not yet ready to share, or mix it up if we’re ready to get out of our everyday routine.

When it comes to your genitals, you may prefer them to be bald, cropped, wild, or tamed. It is entirely up to you whether or not you groom your pubic hair, but before you decide to lose the pubes you may want to know a few tips.

What is the point of pubic hair?

One of the most prominent functions of pubic hair is reducing friction during sexual intercourse. So if you want to prevent that irritating burn after sex you may want to keep those pubes as a cushion for the pushin’! A couple of other suggested purposes include keeping the genitals warm and helping to give off pheromones. Medically speaking, there isn’t any serious reason that should deter you from shaving or keeping your pubic hair.

Shaving or waxing?

Again, the choice is completely yours! Shaving is a more cost-effective choice than waxing, but requires more upkeep as stubble will grow back within a few days. With waxing, pubic hair won’t regenerate for a few weeks, but you also have to wait for it to grow in a little bit to get it waxed again. There are pros and cons to both options, it is a personal choice of which is a better option for you.

Tips for Shaving 

• If we are beginning with a lot of hair, we may want to trim the area with a manicure scissor before shaving.
• Use a new disposable razor or a new blade every time! Bacteria can remain in old blades, which you certainly don’t want in such a sensitive area. Also, we’re going to want the razor to be sharp so the job will be easier.
• Soaking the area we want to shave in warm water beforehand will make the hair easier to remove.
• To prevent ingrown hairs and razor burn, we should shave in the direction that our hair grows rather than against the grain.
• Don’t rush! The few extra minutes you spend in the shower will be worth it to avoid those painful nicks.

Tips for Waxing

• Using an at-home kit for waxing can be a little tricky, but if we think we can master it, by all means go for it! To be extra-safe, leave this job to the professionals.
• We need to be selective in choosing where we get waxed. We should do research online or ask someone we know and trust. This is a sensitive area and we want it done by a clean and professional business.
• Go in to the appointment knowing what we want. There are a lot of styles to choose from while getting a wax, so look ‘em up and pick which one fits best.
• Waxing can be a little painful as hair is being removed from the root, so taking an ibuprofen before your appointment can help reduce the pain.

And Don’t Forget…

People can be sexy with or without your pubic hair; it is all about what makes each person feel comfortable and confident! So whether we have groomed or natural pubes, be safe and have fun with sex! And make sure to stop by the Sex Out Loud office if you’re in need of any safer sex supplies or have any questions.

Sex Out Loud is thrilled to announce our keynote speaker for Sexual Health Fest!

A Night With James Deen: Pornography & Sex Ed TONIGHT!

April 18th, 7 – 8 p.m.

Sterling Hall Rm. 1310

FREE

James Deen is an influential adult film star who will be attending UW-Madison to speak about pornography’s relationship to American sexual health education. The event description and a biography of James Deen can be found at our websitehttp://sexoutloud.com/events.php.

Entrance to the event is free and open to the public! Any questions may be directed to our staff by emailing ask.sexoutloud@gmail.com.

See you on April 18th!

Sex Out Loud Staff
333 E Campus Mall – SAC Suite 3143
ask.sexoutloud@gmail.com
facebook.com/sol.uw
twitter.com/uwsexoutloud

Also:

Sex Out Loud is hiring for the fall semester! We are hiring for Program Facilitators, Budget Coordinator, and Outreach/Events Coordinator. Applications are available online at sexoutloud.com and in our office in the SAC. Applications are due Sunday, April 28th, at 11:59 p.m.

Funded in part by the Associated Students of Madison. ASM does not necessarily endorse the beliefs or actions of this organization.

If we were to go check out our favorite porn site, we’d likely notice that there’s a whole new category to keep ourselves busy with. This new category has left many people wondering, “What is ‘female-friendly’ porn?”

To put it simply, a few things that differentiate it from mainstream porn are increases in romance, communication, eye contact, both parties enjoying themselves, orgasms that feel less faked than usual, whispering sweet nothings in one another’s ears, a background and story line, and male-bodied actors who actually seem to be enjoying pleasing their co-stars naughty bits from boobs to bottoms. So we might just think, “Wow, this sounds great! Now porn is for females, too!” But wait! The category of “female-friendly” can bit problematic for several reasons:

Females and Porn Have Always Been Friends

Obviously we are not saying that all female-bodied people have ever, do or will always like porn. But it is really important to remember that all people enjoy different things! So while “female-friendly” porn may be awesome if someone is looking for some “love-making” that involves a little candles, music and romance, it does not mean that all female-bodied people will get hot and heavy over this porn. Yet, there is some validity in the fact that some people may be turned off by mainstream porn and find this new category exciting and just what it takes to get their juices flowing.

Let’s Ask a Porn Star!

Maybe by now we’re wondering what porn stars think about this new category. Luckily, one of our own at Sex Out Loud got to speak to Mr.Deen in an interview with the “Badger Herald,” and Deen had a few things to say. Deen has become known for his popularity with female viewers and has been featured in many “female-friendly” flicks, often admired for connecting and communicating with his female co-stars, advanced cunnilingus skills, holding hands, being romantic and ensuring both parties leave satisfied. However, Deen doesn’t want to be labeled as a “female-friendly” actor. He’s stated in an interview with “The Guardian”, “You’re going to get some girls that are going to want to watch different movies … Some are going to watch the really lovey-dovey pretty stuff, you’re going to get some who want the really crazy rough stuff and everything in between.”

Deen wants people to realize that all people have unique desires and fantasies and it’s wrong to assume that any depiction of women in some rougher films is objectifying or humiliating. In Deen’s words, “You’re humiliating and objectifying women by saying that women who express themselves in that they like this type of sex [rough or not “female-friendly”] that that means they’re weak.” We always need to keep in mind that what people desire will be just as unique as that person! So while categories like “female-friendly” may be someone’s go-to, it doesn’t mean that loving all varieties of porn isn’t great as well!

Remember to stop by the Sex Out Loud office (333 East Campus Mall, Suite 3143) for all your sexual health needs! If you want to hear from James Deen himself be sure to come to “A Night with James Deen, Pornography and Sex Ed” in Sterling 1310 at 7pm this Thursday the 18^th!

To read more of his interview, check out the “Badger Herald” article here: http://badgerherald.com/artsetc/2013/04/10/james_deen_bares_all.php#.UWtuEc3asma

(Trigger Warning: Rough Sex)

Here’s a novel thought: often, BDSM scenes involve more consent than college hookups.

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)

Risk-aware consensual kink is a philosophy that recognizes that no sexual act is ever 100% safe. RACK acknowledges that people can engage in any sexual act, as long as both partners are fully aware of the risks involved and fully consent, with sound mind, to take those risks. RACK is a main tenet of consensual non-consent.

Consensual Non-Consent

Sometimes, BDSM scenes involve scripted, consensual non-consent. Consent play can be sexy; there are people of all genders who are sexually interested in scripted violation and domination. However, RACK plays a huge role in these scenes: both partners must be aware of emotional and physical risks and fully consent to partake in them. In BDSM scenes, all partners carefully negotiate what acts are okay or not okay in a given scene. They establish a safeword (a word that a partner can say that will stop the scene) and talk about certain acts or words that might be triggering to them. In short, they communicate their desires, their dealbreakers, and their concerns before engaging in the scene. Even though, from an outsider’s perspective, consent play might seem “unsafe” or “wrong,” the reality is that these scenes often have more established, thorough consent than most typical sexual encounters.

Consent in BDSM Pornography

Authentic BDSM porn through sites like kink.com is revolutionary in terms of consent. In these scenes, the negotiation of activities and safewords is filmed. The directors also show the debrief, where the partners discuss how the scene went, as well as emotional and physical aftercare. Most mainstream porn fails to show even the most basic consent or negotiation. Even though BDSM porn scenes might include consensual non-consent, viewers can see that each partner has been made aware of the risks and has consented to these activities. We wish that they would show negotiation and consent in all porn scenes!

**We do not intend to say that consent is never violated in the BDSM community. Check out this article for more info: http://www.salon.com/2012/01/29/real_abuse_in_bdsm/

Now most of us don’t have the luxury Taylor Swift does of pouring our broken hearts out in a song, selling a million of records from our heartache and feeling like we’ve recovered because now the whole world knows how they’ve wronged us while making millions of dollars. Instead, most of us must find different tactics to deal with our emotions on our journey to find ourselves again. Whether we date our partners for 1 month or 3 years, break-ups never seem easy. Even if we believe time is the cure to all things painful, there’s nothing wrong with trying a few things to ease the pain.

Don’t Look at Any Relationship as “A Waste of Time”

Often we find ourselves angry that we just allowed ourselves to love someone only to have it fall apart in the end, and it can be extremely easy to see the time spent with our ex-partner as a waste of time. Yet almost in all relationships, there are things we can turn to as learning experiences. Maybe our partner taught us something new like how to dance, play video games, or drive a stick shift, all of which are skills that can be transferable into our everyday lives. More commonly they may have pointed out things that they liked about us, such as an out-going personality, or things we rarely did well, like buy flowers or complement them on a regular basis. We can use the things we do well and poorly as guidelines for our next relationship if we choose. For instance, if we have constantly been dumped for cancelling dates with our partners at the last minute, in the future we can make a point try to always uphold our plans so our partner knows they are a priority in our lives.  However, suggestions should be taken with a grain of salt, evaluated and analyzed, and only once we decide that they will likely help maintain a healthy relationship in the future should we consider changing our relationship habits.

Reestablish Family and Friend Relationships       

It can be easy to make our partners the center of our social worlds and easily see them as our best friend. When our best friend chooses not to be with us anymore we can feel lost and alone, but we don’t have to be. We often have a family member or close friend that can listen to our problems, attend events with us and even cuddle with us to fill the loneliness in our hearts. (Cuddling might be taking it a little far, but that’s why cats and dogs exist!) Just remember we should try avoiding a pattern of behavior that puts our friends and family behind our partners in priority because we don’t want to ostracize our lives from the people who care about us the most for someone who may only be around temporarily.

Avoid Harmful Behavior

When everything seems hopeless, why not turn to something that will ease the pain? We most definitely should! Trying to convert negative energy into positive energy whether by listening to music, drawing, running or studying more! This can help us return to the happier versions of ourselves. However, unhealthy behavior like trying to drown our pain in alcohol, working out excessively, eating away our feelings or not eating because of loss of appetite are common coping mechanisms that sometimes accompany a break-up. These unhealthy behaviors will likely not be successful in removing our negative feelings because they may be representative of the personal psychological unhappiness we are experiencing while harming our bodies physically.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Sometimes we struggle to see the great aspects about ourselves even after we have evaluated the relationships, sought support from family and friends and channeled our negative energy into more positive things. When this is the case, don’t be afraid to ask for help. On the UW campus, UHS offers individual counseling if we feel that professional advice may be the one thing that will help us get out of our funk. Plus there is no additional cost since we already paid for them to listen to our problems through student segregation fees!

See the link below for assistance on scheduling an appointment: http://www.uhs.wisc.edu/services/counseling/

Final Thought

Although we may find ourselves as temporarily lost, who we are is not defined by any one relationship. We all take different steps after a break-up to deal with our emotions and some recoveries may be longer than others. No matter how much time passes before we feel fully happy, remember we are the most important person in our own lives and once we are happy with ourselves again, it will be a lot easier to like or love another person again.

Has my frequent vibrator use possibly desensitized my clit? Will I still be able to orgasm without it?

Excellent question!  This is an extremely frequent concern among vibrator connoisseurs everywhere.  The simple answer is no, frequent use of a vibrator will not desensitize a clitoris.  There is nothing about the vibration stimulation that damages, reduces, or changes the physiology of nerve receptors in any way.  Orgasming from a vibrator, no matter how many times you’ve done it, will not interfere with your body’s capability to orgasm in other settings.

However, it is possible to become accustomed to a certain types of stimulation.  When we train ourselves to orgasm a certain way—whether it be the toy we like to use, the jerking motion we’re a fan of, the tongue lapping we frequently request, the rubbing technique we find ourselves coming back to time and time again, whatever — it can be difficult to imagine ever being able to come a different way ever again.  This is rarely ever actually the case, as the brain can be trained to incorporate many different types of stimulation into its repertoire of reward indicators.

If you’re fretting at the possibility that you have become accustomed to getting off with your vibe, there are a few things you could try.  You could try laying off the toys for a bit, although it’s totally not physically necessary.  If you want to get yourself real riled up and horny, abstaining from masturbation for a couple days before hooking up could do the trick.  You could try using your vibrator in a different way or even experiment with a different toy that will do the same trick.  Also, there’s no reason why you can’t suggest the possibility of inviting your best friend along for the bedroom party with your partner, as long as you talk it over beforehand — toys need not be reserved solely for solo play!  In fact, most women who own sex toys report that they use them with their partners.  If your partner feels concerned or threatened by the presence of the toy, you can try reassuring them that your advanced homosapien brain recognizes that human connection trumps any kind of pleasure that an inanimate object can provide you with.  Toys are there to enhance the experience, not replace it.

Lastly, if you’re interested in mixing the strength of vibration with the human skin-to-skin contact with your partner, try this neat trick:  Take a small bullet, egg, or peanut vibrator (as little as $5 at sexuality boutiques or online sex toy shops).  Turn it on and place it in between your index finger and thumb, with your index finger slightly extended beyond the bullet.  Voila!  You have an instant finger vibe!

Relationship advice “experts” and sexual health educators tend to dole out the same token piece of advice over and over again: “Communication is key!  All you have to do is sit down and talk to your partner about your deepest desires, fantasies, and turn-ons.”  True, yes, duh, but not necessarily a helpful place to start for misguided sex naiveté’s and experienced pros alike.

Ever mustered up the courage to actually take said advice and ask a sex mate, “hey what are you into?” or “what do you want me to do to you?” and have them stare back at you, shrug, and say, “I dunno!”  Defeat!  You’re left high and dry and no closer to decoding their personalized combination for what gets them off best.

There are plenty of legitimate reasons that a person might not be in a good place to share.  They may have already settled into a routine sexual script with a person and feel trapped in it.  They may know based off of previous conversations that the other person is indeed not into what they like.  Or, they may have put themselves out there before and been shot down.  Mostly, people haven’t taken the time or intention to dig around in their libidos for themselves.  Here are some (actual) concrete tips and tools to get you started on figuring out what you really really want, to be used solo or with a partner.

1. Diddle yourself.  Jerk it.  Rub one out.  Whatever you want to call it, masturbate and take note of where your mind wanders while you’re doing it.
2. Watch porn.  Many times, we just don’t know what we like because we haven’t been exposed to the possibilities.  Of course, there’s a complex list of pros and cons to porn consumption, but making images of the diverse multitude of sexual expression as far as human imagination can stretch is among the positives.
3. Read “literotica.”  Explore what tickles your fancy via the written word of sexual stimulation.  Read it aloud to your partner(s) for foreplay and ideas.  The Sex Out Loud library features just a few of the finest erotica novels out there.
4. Compare lists.  Quiz yourself on what you’re up for then show your partner.  It’s a safe way to get the ball rolling when you’re feeling tongue-tied over what to do in the bedroom.  Stop by the Sex Out Loud office to pick up one or more paper copies of the Yes/No/Maybe Kinky lists.  Or take the Mojo Upgrade Interactive Sex Questionnaire for Couples.  You can take it separately or one after the other on the same computer, and it will only display the items you’ve both identified as appealing, leaving who-likes-what totally anonymous.  This may seem kind of formal, but turn it into a fun activity!
5. Write it out.  Take some time for self-reflection to give bedroom ventures more intention.  List five sexual things that seem both risky and appealing.  They can be things you’ve done before or things you’ve never tried—anything from going out in a hot skimpy outfit to asking a partner to tie you up to hooking up with a stranger.  Now circle the one that’s most appealing to you, and also circle the one that seems the riskiest.  The definition of “risky” is up to your own interpretation—this may mean risk of contracting an STI or unintended pregnancy, the risk of sexual violence, the emotional risk of “putting yourself out there”, the risk of societal sanctions, whatever!  For each circled activity, ask yourself these three questions:

• How bad will it be if this situation doesn’t turn out well?
• How good will it be if it goes my way?
• How likely is it if that something bad or good will happen if I do this “risky” thing?

Take it a step further and fill out the chart below for yourself.

Over Spring Break many of us will be migrating to warmer shores with the hopes of finding love, lust, or maybe just a really good tan. And while we’re on break, we might want to try some lovin’ outside the bedroom. But there are some places that just aren’t all that they’re cracked up to be.

1. The Beach
1. Most beaches are public! Like all other forms of public sex, getting jiggy on the beach might land us a court date.
2. Beaches are dirty, and in the water or on the sand, both places are teeming with bacteria that aren’t so friendly to our sexy bits.
3. Sand. Everywhere. All nooks, crannies and crevices are fair game.
2. The Pool
1. During submerged sex water can get forced into our orifices. Not only will this lead to discomfort during and immediately after sexy time, but can also lead to yeast infections and UTIs (even in chlorinated pools!).
2. Contrary to common belief, being under water is not sufficient lubrication for penetration! This lack of lubrication can lead to micro-tears on our sexy bits that present us with a higher risk for passing STIs between partners.
3. On a Plane
1. Even in the “privacy” of the mile high bathroom, having sex in a plane is still illegal. And don’t forget about the turbulence!
4. In a Cab
1. Maybe we just can’t wait to get back to the hotel or beach house, and we want to get started in on the ride home. This may be all in good fun, with the consent of the cabbie—but be careful, drivers may be videotaping you. Cabbies have been caught in the past for posting these videos online without the consent of the participants.